Our very first encounter with IT came back in June, when a group of us attending TBA visited Senator Kerry's office in the Russell Building and he rushed past us, waving as he hurried for a vote. We were suddenly blinded by a bright orange flash emanating from the Senator's chest, and fanning out behind him as he raced down the corridor.
Momentarily panicking that John Kerry was spontaneously combusting and bursting into flame, we were about to run after him to warn him when one of his interns informed us that, while Senator Kerry was indeed on fire, it was only in a figurative sense. What we had seen was his latest neck wear, proudly strutting on a background of white shirt and beige suit.
After this heart attack-inducing shock, we unanimously decided that IT could not be allowed to live any longer and other voices of protest soon joined ours.
For the next few weeks, periodic ideas of successful tie elimination strategies were bandied about, but nothing concrete ever emerged, and eventually we decided to give the good Senator the benefit of doubt. He must have dressed in the dark one morning and accidentally reached for the Halloween gag tie in the back of the closet. (Or did IT slither into John Kerry's hand, having appeared from somewhere none of us would ever dare to walk?)
Just as our defenses were lowered and our guards were down, we tuned in to yesterday's very important and brilliant speech on Iraq. There IT was! Like a homing beacon, outshining in brilliance every word our Senator was speaking, nestled around his neck tightly and gleaming at us in mocking defiance!
At this point we were presented with a life-altering choice:
Were we to allow this silken evil to outlive us all until the end of the world, when all the beauty of the earth was gone and only cockroaches and Keith Richards, smoking the roaches, wearing IT and nothing else (for all his other clothing will have long since crumbled into dust), were sharing the planet?*
No! For the love of all that is good in this world, we decided that we could not stand by and let the beast terrorize children and adults alike, and be the cause of millions of dollars spent on therapy. We could not idly watch as IT consumed all the light and energy around IT, leaving blindness and nightmares in its wake.
So here we are now, appealing to the kindness and innovation of our trusted visitors. Please help us.
Find a way to banish this Gleaming Cravat of Flaming Horror! Give us your suggestions and ideas on how we can vanquish IT into the deepest regions of the Senator's closet - never to see and devour the light of day again! Better yet - how can we destroy IT forever, never to be able to slither ITs way back around anyone's vulnerable neck?
Share with us, friends! We will pass all suggestions along to those who have the power to banish the evil!
*Thank you to Robin Williams for this timeless image.
Comments (16)
Posted by GV | July 14, 2007 12:42 PM
Love the guy, hate the tie.
I'm with you on this one, KV gang. Unless the Senate issues sunglasses to every C-SPAN viewer, that tie must be banished.
Suggestion #1 Donate it to the Ted Stevens' Home for Unwanted Neckwear.
Suggestion #2 Anything that involves scissors, matches or a combination of the two.
Suggestion #3 Middle of the night raid on wherever that thing is kept.
I'm sorry, Senator. It's gotta go.
Posted by democrafty | July 14, 2007 12:53 PM
Actually, Kerstin, in the wljk post you linked to, I mentioned liking that tie. Hazard orange is fun and on trend.
I'm not keen on the suit, but when I see it, I tell myself that the Senator is a decorated combat veteran who has fought for, and earned, among other things, the right to wear clothes that make his fangirls go, "Whaaaaaaat?"
Posted by Kelev | July 14, 2007 12:58 PM
We need a tie destruction task force, asap. I like the raid idea from above. Somehow, we need to get Teresa involved. A distraction needs to be created for the Senator, and Teresa stealthes into the closet - well armed - and subdues IT, taking it outside, where IT will be tossed into a bonfire.
Sort of like the bra burnings of old.
Posted by NoisyDemocrat | July 14, 2007 1:03 PM
Oh, the horror, the horror! The color of that suit isn't the most flattering for the Senator either, but clearly the tie is at the very heart of the sartorial evil. It must be banished so its baleful influence will be no more. Thank you for bringing this issue to our attention. :)
Posted by fedup | July 14, 2007 1:13 PM
I hate to tell you this BUT...I think there is more then one. The one from the June encounter was much more neonish, http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b262/llmom3/610xjk5.jpg I actually thought the one that he wore for the speech was less orange, if that's possible lol.
GV I think the raid of the closet at night would be best, I don't think we would even need a flashlight, it would be glowing in the dark.
Posted by Faith | July 14, 2007 1:21 PM
Because I've seen similar color ties on several Dem Senators (at a recent press conference, I think there were three orange neckties), I suggest a Sense of the Senate Resolution.
S.000
RESOLUTION
Expressing the sense of the Senate regarding the urgent need to ban all neckwear that could result in occular damage to the populace.
Whereas it has been noted that members of the Senate have succumbed to an unfortunate fashion trend.
It is the sense of the Senate that:
1. All such ties are immediately banned from the floor of the Senate.
2. All public appearances must similarly be performed without the aforesaid neckwear.
Now we just have to figure out how to get it passed.
Posted by tieguy | July 14, 2007 1:44 PM
To quote Al Gore, "Lockbox"
Posted by wisteria | July 14, 2007 1:47 PM
I like the tie. I know I am in the minority here, but it strikes me as being entirely shocking, a different and exciting new look for the Senator. Anyone know what is depicted on the tie?
Posted by YvonneCa | July 14, 2007 2:06 PM
How about this (it worked once in my past and Teresa is included)...
The tie is looking a little 'wrinkled'...in need of pressing...IRONING...
Teresa, or other appropriate person, 'offers' to iron the tie so that it will be up to the VERY HIGH STANDARD set by the Senator for his public appearances. :) He usually always looks great, right?
*Accidentally* the tie suffers from iron burn marks...LARGE, UGLY iron burn marks! "Oh, dear"...says Teresa..."we must throw out that tie and choose another." She just happens to have another...very un-orange tie handy.
Now our Senator is finally able to go about his very important Senate business on behalf of the American people and his Massachusetts constituents looking wonderful, as usual. He hardly misses the orange tie. Now, about that SUIT... :)
Posted by GinnyinWI | July 14, 2007 4:51 PM
Oh you guys are too much! :-) I say let the Alpha-Male wear whatever he likes. He'll set the standard for all the rest of them.
Posted by YvonneCa | July 14, 2007 5:07 PM
GinnyinWI...
I have to say I agree with you. He will DEFINITELY set the standard for all the rest of them, no matter what tie he chooses. :) But this sure is FUN! :)
Posted by MarjorieG | July 14, 2007 5:08 PM
I probably need an in person encounter to be viscerally alarmed, but the color says a strong person with like opinions. That's good.
We may be used to the lived in leather, that gray check shirt, all the more befitting his subtle finesse. But a guy has gotta have fun.
And to stand out in the Senate. The height, the hair, the smarts are all so passe.
Maybe its my 60's mod, neon, Peter Max and Von Furstenberg history, maybe his, or maybe hers.
I know. Kerry misses the orange alerts from the campaign that Homeland Security swore weren't politically timed. Sure.
Posted by Island Blue | July 14, 2007 5:19 PM
Perhaps someone could encourage the Senator to donate the tie to charity. Our local battered women's shelter has an off-site weaving studio to help with funding. They take old clothes, etc. and create groovy new products from them - one of which is rugs made from recycled ties. http://www.ragweavers.com/shop-online-rugs.aspx If ever a tie needed to woven into a rug and walked upon, the orange hazzard tie is it.
Please Senator, just think of the tax write-off.
Posted by YvonneCa | July 15, 2007 12:31 AM
"If ever a tie needed to woven into a rug and walked upon, the orange hazard tie is it."
That is just TOO funny. :)
Posted by karennj | July 15, 2007 10:38 AM
I think Island Blue is on to something. She said it might be that Kerry misses the politically timed orange security levels that the Bush administration used.
Senator Kerry would never issue politically timed false warnings. But, given the nature of his speech which out shown that bright tie, he verbally gave a very serious, thoughtout call that level of need for change has clearly reached at least a bright orange level.
Our noble leader is using his own tie to indicate that level to those unable to listen to his incredible speech. Back in 2004, when he anticipated and worked all hours to put a sane President in the white House, his tie was usually a beautiful color of sky blue - signalling the calm leadership he would provide.
To see if this makes sense, we need to see if the tie's appearnces are correlated to fights on the war in Iraq.
Posted by Raelynne | July 16, 2007 9:56 PM
Put the tie in a lockbox and put the lockbox in the Chamber of Secrets. :D